Francisco Laguna passed away on August 19, 2026.
He meant many things to many people. He meant many more to me.
We were together for 13 years and married for the last 7. Life could not have been better.
Then, cancer.
Nearly four years of increasing misery for him, increasing caretaking for me, and increasing realization for both of us that we all better do life while we can. We’re all ok until we wake up one day to be told we’re not. Then nothing is normal again.
The grief is still suffocating me. Being alone in the house was never a problem. I’ve always liked being alone. But what I liked more than being alone was being alone knowing he’d be back in a few minutes, a little while, by this afternoon.
He’s not coming back this time. That reality makes it hard to breathe sometimes.
I haven’t blogged in a while and a lot of kind folks have been asking me why. There was just little time left after juggling my work, his appointments, his medicines, the daily caretaking. Then hospice. Thanks to everyone who sent messages asking where I’d gone and if I would write again.
We had Francisco’s Celebration of Life event a few days ago. There were over a hundred people from all over the country. Close to twenty people chose to tell the room what he meant to them. I loved that for him.
Below is what I had to say at his Celebration of Life. I didn’t know how to bullet-point a thirteen year relationship with someone who meant more to me than anything, so I likely failed at mentioning the most relevant. But I said what I felt.
Also below is the link to Francisco’s obituary. When I wrote it I couldn’t capture how remarkable I, and many others, thought he was. But I don’t think I could scream loud enough to tell the world just how unique a person he was. I’ll keep telling it just the same.
Stuart M. Perkins
Francisco’s obituary:
https://www.curriefuneralhome.net/obituaries/Francisco-Alberto-Laguna?obId=49365295
My speech from Francisco’s Celebration of Life:
Thank you for being here.
It’s hard to condense into just a few words what Francisco meant to me because he meant everything to me. I loved him, admired him, respected him. And I miss him.
At the end of this month, we would have been together for 13 years. We were married for the last 7, but together for 13. Our first date was on Halloween and he loved that.
He was always so joyful about everything and was always so excited when people came to our parties. Dinner, cocktail, Christmas, Halloween. We even had a muu muu party. All done his way. Which was over the top.
I once told him that we don’t always have to do fancy things!
But when I ordered a pizza one Saturday and he served it onto fine china and got out cloth napkins, I realized he didn’t have to do fancy things. He just had to do things fancy.
But everything was made better if he became involved in it.
And he was the most generous person I’ve ever known. Not only to me, friends and family, but to total strangers.
We traveled all over the world and every city has needy folks asking for help. Francisco always gave them a few dollars.
Once we saw a woman on the street crouched in a doorway. Neither of us had cash, so Francisco walked over to her, told her that her hat was fabulous, and that we’d be right back. We walked to a market and bought sandwiches, chips, and waters.
On the way back we passed a gourmet chocolate shop. Francisco went in and got a huge box of Swiss chocolates. He said she had every right to enjoy fine chocolate, so he saw to it that she did.
When we walked away he said what he said every time he helped someone like her, “There, but for the grace of God, go I”.
He grew up in Catholic schools, I grew up a Baptist, so we had a lot of conversations about God, church, and charity. Conversations that solidified our relationship because we saw God the same way. Loving and welcoming.
Neither of us had attended a formal church service in years. But God doesn’t take attendance. He takes notice. And certainly God noticed Francisco a long time ago.
And he loved surprises. I’ll tell this story because he loved hearing it over and over himself:
After a few years together he made it clear we should get married, but I had to ask him. He was clear. Ask him, then stand back. I already intended to propose but wanted to really surprise him and do it somewhere memorable with a twist.
During a Christmas trip to New York we went to dinner at Bar SixtyFive, up on the 65th floor of Rockefeller Center. After dinner he asked if I’d ever seen the historic Rainbow Room, right down the hall. I hadn’t. He said it’s only for private events anymore, but let’s just go look in the door.
On the way we realized an event was going on at the time. A security team stood at the entrance. I think Francisco’s confidence threw them off because they opened the door and told us to enjoy our evening. Francisco got that devilish look and started smiling. I started sweating.
We went in to find a live band, an open bar, the dance floor was full. We were crashing a huge New York company’s Christmas party with so many people everyone just assumed we were employees they hadn’t met.
We drank, danced, and Francisco befriended the lead singer and made several song requests. Which she took!
It was becoming such a memorable night, it hit me, this would be the time to surprise him and pop the question. But I didn’t have a ring.
I told Francisco I’d be right back, ran back down to Bar SixtyFive and told the maître d I needed something to go on a finger… He looked through cabinets and drawers but could only find a rubber band. I took it and ran back to the Rainbow Room.
The Rainbow Room has a huge round dance floor that slowly rotates. In the center of the rotating dance floor is an inlaid star pattern. I maneuvered Francisco through the crowd and made him stand directly on the star.
I asked him if he’d marry me and I presented – the rubber band. He cried, put the rubber band on, and the music suddenly stopped. Silence in a room of 300 people. The lead singer saw what was happening, announced our engagement to the room, and told the photographer to get pictures for the company newsletter…
I wanted a twist. I think proposing in the center star of the rotating dance floor in the Rainbow Room at the top of Rockefeller Center, while crashing a Christmas party did the trick. And the proof was in the newsletter…
He kept that rubber band in the case with all of his fine jewelry. It eventually dry rotted. So he put the pieces in an envelope and it’s still there in the top drawer of his jewelry case.
But he was always a romantic. Once while traveling in Europe we had a five hour layover in Paris. I assumed we’d sit in the lounge but as we left our plane and entered the area where people stand with signs I saw “Stuart Perkins” on one of them. As a surprise, Francisco had arranged for a driver to pick us up and show us around Paris. A little private tour of the iconic sights just to fill layover time.
But he was so much more than just a joyful, generous, romantic who loved surprises.
He was a gentleman. A fierce protector of those he loved, a fighter for what was right, devoted to his family, and much more sensitive than most ever realized. He was a stickler for details, responsible, outgoing, outspoken, loyal, serious when he needed to be and silly every chance he got.
He was also very brave.
His first cancer diagnosis came nearly four years ago. He went through extensive surgeries, rounds of radiation, chemotherapy, immunotherapy and all the side effects that come with those things. He never really ever got good news.
But he never gave up. Every day he smiled and continued to worry about me and others, regardless of how he felt.
It was during one of his long hospital stays that I started wearing both wedding rings. He always wanted to know where his wedding ring was and he had to see it.
When he asked, I’d hold both hands up so he could see both rings. When his vision got worse he’d actually reach to feel both rings. Then he was ok. He said can you just keep wearing them like that? I said I will.
He never stopped thinking about what we’d do when he was better or where we’d go when he had energy.
He was hopeful – and hopefulness is bravery.
We’d bought our house on the Chesapeake Bay before he got that first diagnosis. We’d started renovations and planning our lives there. Despite our many trips to DC for his treatments, he never lost focus on the house.
His remodeling ideas started coming more often and I realized he wasn’t trying to make it perfect for us anymore, he was trying to make it perfect for me while he was able. And he said so. I carry a lot of guilt because of that. I thought home would be a we not a me.
He loved the place though and enjoyed his evening Chardonnays by the water when he felt up to it. Not all long ago I helped him down there, his eyesight was really bad by then and he wasn’t very strong. He sat down and leaned his head back and said mmmmm, do you hear that? I said I don’t hear anything but waves and a few seagulls. He said exactly. Isn’t this place fabulous!
He was totally aware of how serious his health had become and he understood when doctors eventually had to explain why no more could be done. We went home.
He didn’t want to die, obviously, but death didn’t scare him. The only fear he expressed was that he didn’t want to die alone. I promised him he wouldn’t, all they while knowing I had no control over that. But I was able to keep my promise.
In the end it was just me and him alone in our bedroom. I held his hand, talked to him, and he had the strength to look me in the eyes the entire time. In just a few minutes it was over and his face became so peaceful.
For the first few weeks after that I got up every day, and cried, thinking what a curse that I live in a house full of constant reminders of him. But now I get up every day, I still cry, but think what a blessing that I live in a house full of constant reminders of him.
His impact on me was profound. We loved each other. He showed me how life should be lived and that the good out there isn’t for just a few, it’s for all of us. And that we shouldn’t wait.
We spent many long weekends in New York because the city was his playground. Growing up there, he knew it and loved it. And every time we went to Colombia you could feel his pride for the country and his family.
But we had adventures all over the world I’ll never forget. He is unforgettable.
I was born here in Richmond. Grew up and lived just a few miles away before I moved to the DC area and met Francisco. I wouldn’t have called myself worldly. Not like him.
Francisco was someone leading an adventurous exciting life, he’d lived and worked all over the world, he’d met and knew people all over the world. Yet he chose me, from right down the road, to love and spend his life with. That is humbling, precious, and my time with him was the biggest gift I’ve ever received.
And I don’t know if the angels in heaven ever had Chardonnay before…
But this is a celebration of his life, not just the years I was lucky enough to have with him, so I love hearing others talk about what he meant to them.
And I thank everybody for being here for him.





