Perfect Fit

“Hopefully I’ll have that again someday.” my son Evan said wistfully over the phone.

“You will!” I encouraged him. “Just give it a while.”

“Best that it’s over but there were still some fun times.” he went on.

“You’ll have that with someone new.” I said. “You’re only nineteen. Plenty of time.”

“Yeah.” he said solemnly. “Just not sure it will happen again or be as good.”

“It will only be better!” I said confidently.

“But how do you know it will be better?” he asked.

Oh no. He wanted an answer.

I’m absolutely no relationship expert. I’ve been in several and calculate I’d have done things differently in every case. I’m just no fountain of good advice. Still, my son’s lamenting after his unpleasant breakup triggered memories and I searched for words of wisdom to help him through this momentary setback.

That strong parental desire to offer profound guidance washed over me. I prepared to launch into weighty philosophical input that would surely embolden him to dismiss his temporary breakup regrets. I took a deep breath and began my lofty speech.

“Well, it’s like this…” I began.

With the spotlight squarely on me and my son listening intently, paying more attention to a parent than any nineteen year old ever has, I went into a panic. Ideas had flashed before me while Evan spoke. Where had they gone? What had I intended to say? What was that clever tidbit again? Gone. All gone. But Evan waited eagerly.

“Well, it’s like this…” I began again. “Relationships are like underwear.”

I had no clue where that came from even as I heard myself say it.

“Ok…?” Evan chuckled in anticipation.

That wasn’t enough? I had to say more?

“You put on a new pair of underwear and it’s great. Feels good, nice change, you like them, and soon find you prefer them over all others. How wonderful life is with this new pair of underwear.”

“Ok…?” Evan chuckled again.

He expected even more? He’s a nineteen year old boy. Time to break it down.

“Well, then one day you realize the new underwear is up your ass.”

Evan chuckled loudly this time. “Ok…?”

“So you say wow, didn’t expect that. You make a few adjustments and you try to move on. It happens again. A few more tries to make things right but it’s just not working. No matter how much you’d loved the new underwear and no matter how many adjustments were made there has now come the point when you realize you need to take them off for good.”

Silence.

“So, unfortunately you say goodbye to that pair but at some point you come across another new pair. You put them on and maybe something about them reminds you too much of the pair that hadn’t worked out so well in the past. You pretty quickly take this pair off having learned from the last just what works for you about underwear and what doesn’t.”

Silence.

“None of us know when or where we might ultimately find underwear with the right fit, but we keep trying with yet another new pair if an old pair fails. So, I know your next pair of underwear will be better than the last because you learn something each time you try one on. Never settle for the wrong fit. Remember, none of this means that you or any of the pairs of underwear were necessarily bad. It simply means the fit wasn’t right.”

Silence.

“One day you’ll put on that next new pair of underwear and they’ll feel pretty nice but  you may hesitate. Ignore the fact that any one pair of underwear, or maybe all underwear, has disappointed you in the past. If this newest pair feels good then enjoy it and see what happens. One day you’ll put on a new pair and the fit will be so nice, so perfect, that you’ll skip along every day for the rest of your life not even realizing you have on underwear at all.”

There, that was all I had. I knew I’d fallen short but I’m just not good with relationship advice. I waited for the dial tone I knew was coming…

That” Evan said through a hearty laugh, “was the dumbest, grossest, and best thing I’ve ever heard! That was awesome.”

Phew! I wiped the sweat from my upper lip.

Evan hadn’t necessarily asked for relationship advice nor had I been eager to give any. What do I know? His angst was serious and my response may not have been, but I recognized his feelings and let him know in the wacky way he probably expected of me that I understood.

Keep trying. The perfect fit is out there.

Stuart M. Perkins

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151 Comments

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151 responses to “Perfect Fit

  1. Awww, that was such a good story! I am keeping it in my pocket for when my babies get older. Thanks for sharing! Light and Love, Shona

  2. Ginni J Poole

    Perfect! Those are the analogies that only our sons can appreciate and understand! Great job, Dad!

  3. Perfect for a 19 year old boy. Simply inspired!

  4. Gloria Depew

    You and underwear. You and how underwear fits. This made me remember when your underwear had gotten too tight so you stuck your scissors down your pants to cut the waistband. Just as Lucinda walked into your office. I was going to put this on Facebook. I’d still love to if okay with you.

    Sent from my iPhone

  5. “That” Evan said through a hearty laugh, “was the dumbest, grossest, and best thing I’ve ever heard! That was awesome.”

    I’m not a parent, but I am someone’s child and I have had these moments with my mom. Maybe not the greatest advice ever given but it’s the support and laugh that makes the difference.

  6. Tayla

    Stuart – UNDERWEAR – REALLY? Only you could come up with that. That is being your unique self and I say keep ’em coming!!! You never fail to entertain.

  7. You are such a romantic!

  8. Very quick thinking! Good job.

  9. Wow. I laughed out loud while reading this. But your son’s right. That was awesome and the best analogy I’ve ever heard. That was just brilliant!

  10. I found a pair that fit and I’ve had them on now for 37 years…😁

  11. I missed your wonderful stories. Thanks for this one. Children do put you in a spot but I’d have never ever thought of underwear = relationship ! You had me in splits.

  12. “Relationships are like underwear”
    this is all I’m going to be able to talk about for the next few days.
    😛

  13. Sounds like great advice!!

  14. Much better than the “Women are like buses, miss one they’ll be another one by in a few minutes” that I got from my dad.

  15. Mandy

    Stuart, I have missed your writing! As ever, you have touched me, this time with a great big belly laugh. Thanks very much–I think I’ll pass this on to my own son who could probably use a good laugh about now.

  16. My boy is only 11 months old. He hasn’t graduated to underpants yet, let alone girlfriends. But when he does, I’ll be ready and waiting with the killer lines above. Cheers bro.

    • A baby! Enjoy all of the years with him between now and when he’s 19 like mine, which will happen before you know it unfortunately! Thanks for the comments. I appreciate reading them!

  17. That was hilarious. And, yet so good.

  18. I like your underwear story, because I wear my underwear perhaps longer than I should. My wife keeps nagging me about changing it. So next time she nags me again, I will read your hilarious story to her. Haha!

  19. Great Stuart! Like your symbol use. Can be used in politics as well.
    A political party is like an old pair of underwear. There comes a time when you need a change.
    -Alan

  20. Excellent analogy.Seemingly unrelated but we have to try until we find the perfect “fit.”

  21. That was definitely the best and funniest analogy I’ve ever heard. When some day I’ll have a teenage kid and if the need be, I’ll definitely remember your ‘perfect fit advice’, for now I’ll remember it for myself! 😀

  22. Oh my gosh, I’m laughing out loud!! What a great analogy and really just the perfect fit!!!

  23. Gareth Walker

    Good advice well fitting underwear is hard to find. Once you have it stick with it. Thanks for the follow and I look forward to reading your blog.

  24. Now that’s good advice! Loved it.

  25. I,wish my dad had explained underwear to me that way. Life would have been so much clearer to me.

  26. Reblogged this on The Shadows of My Mind and commented:
    I didn’t think I would reblog, two posts today from another blogger, but this was hilarious, I started chuckling and had to hit the follow button. Funny family moment…with a teenager. 😉

  27. New follower here, I laughed out loud, on this one, and reblogged and put on my FB. Too, too funny! Thanks for the laugh of the day! Still chuckling…lol

    • I appreciate the reblog and your comment. So fun to write but even more fun to know someone reads it… and gets a kick. Going to check yours out now… thanks again. Stuart

      • I’m kinda new at all of this…lol, and have a ways to go, but thank you 🙂

      • I started mine on a dare about four years ago. It’s so much fun. I’m no slave to grammar and punctuation obviously, but writing is fun and that’s what counts. Plus it’s so fun to write about real life “stuff” knowing somebody somewhere will probably relate to at least part of it. I love reading other peoples’ blogs.

  28. Gud job,Dad. It’s hilarious, and now we know how advices can be smartly coated with melting humour🌸

  29. Ah, to be 19 again. My wife and I have been married 8 years, together for a little more than 12. I agree, the right fit is out there but I don’t think it’ll ever be perfect. One thing with a great relationship is that both people can tolerate each other’s quirks. That’s a big part of it. Thanks for following me, Stuart!

  30. Thank you soooo much. I went from Abled to Disabled and thought that finding a nice guy was over. Who would want a girl on a walker?! But you have given me hope and a reason to smile. Not only have you helped your son but you have helped me too. I shall start wearing lipstick again 💄💋Please keep writing.

    • That is probably the best comment anyone has ever left on any of my posts! Thank you for that. And you will find your perfect fit I am sure, so keep looking! Thanks again for such a great comment. Good luck to you!

  31. I’m so going to use this analogy when talking to my kids about relationships. Thanks!

  32. Great advice, couched in humor. Thanks for following my blog

  33. ROFL! That was a good on! lol

  34. This made my day. I’ll be smiling all night. Wish I’d had this when my son came to me for relationship advice. This was priceless.

  35. TO say I love this would be an understatement. Pretty amazing Mr!!

  36. lol. i would have to agree with this. keep trying ’till you find the right fit. we all should follow this advice. because it does get better.

  37. Great story! I really enjoyed it and it’s so true of relationships lol

  38. Hahaha. That made my night. Thanks for sharing.
    Is it real or fiction? 😉

  39. Pingback: Perfect Fit — Storyshucker – Living Life Coaching

  40. Just so so great!!! I’d like to leave this here with you!

    Oh, happy day!

    Blogging by yourself is fun, but is even more fun when you are sharing your thoughts in a community!  Today, I got nominated for the Liebster Award by the lovely prenika. Thanks for the nomination and to all people: if you don’t know her, you should defenitely check out her blog! Thank you again for the nomination.  It makes me so happy!

    Okay, here’s the rules:
    1) Post a short Q&A about themselves
    2) Answer the questions the tagger has asked
    3) Create a new list of questions for their own nominees
    4) Choose a list of their own nominees and notify them

    About me:

    Q: Were you named after anyone?
    A: Yes. I was named after my aunt on my mother’s side of the family. They where very close and my aunt was the first to find out about my mom being pregnant. Sadly, my Aunt’s husband at the time was abusing her and just a few weeks before I born, her husband drove her up into the surrounding mountains and shot her in the head. She was going to leave him and he found out before she could escape. Now, I get the blessing of being named after such an amazing and strong woman!

    Q: If you could go back to any time, during your own life, when would it be and how come?
    A: I would go back to when I was 18 and really listened to everything that my dad ever wanted me to know or teach me because now that he had passed almost 4 years ago now I won’t ever be able to have any type of conversation with him again.

    Q: What are your Top 3 things that matter to you more then anything else in the world?
    A: I can honestly say that my list of 3 things I have always held them close to my heart and see them being my most important. SSSOOO call me corny, that’s ok.       1.) My Family.                                                                                                                                         2.) Being In An Honest Relationship With The Man of My Dreams, with God involved.                                                                                                                                             3.) Happiness!!!

    Q: What is your favorite sport team? Why?
    A: My favorite sports team would have to be the Denver Broncos football team, located in Denver, CO. 

    Q: Favorite Music?
    A: I love music. All kinds of it. I’m all over the bored but mostly like classic and current country, Pop music, Rap, Hip&Pop, classic rock, old school rap and hip&pop. I also am loving a lot of songs MTV currently have been playing up until their award show.

    My Questions for you:( From Bryan)

    What has been the most incredible moment of your life?- I live in Albuquerque, NM my most incredible moment of my life was my boyfriend and I going on a surprise vacation for me and him taking me to sea world and then to really see the sea!
    What or who makes you happy in life? – My Niece’s and Nephew’s make me happy in my life! I love them so unconditionally!
    What do you look for in a friend or in a partner? – Just a really great sense of humor! lol. Someone who can make me laugh and smile even if i’m really mad at that moment.
    Do you have any pets? Do you like animals? – Yes I have a small dog and a really pretty bird.
    Would you consider yourself an outside or inside person?- both. i love them both. but i love even more being comfortable. I do love to go camping for a week at a time and rough it but i also love cuddled up on the couch.
    What is your favorite food?- Gonna sound crazy but that’s okay. Any type of way you can make a potato, I eat them forever!
    Is there a place that you really want to visit (again)? There is a lake up by Durango, CO that is where I’ve gone sense I was a kid. Now that Dad is gone, it makes it even more special!
    The People I have tagged and where chosen!

    Cute Little Thing
    Bunchup
    Storyshucker
    Frank
    Claudia F. Gomez
    Questions I’ve chosen for YOU to answer:

    What is your biggest regret in life, and if you are okay with sharing, How come?
    If someone just came up to you and offered a helping hand with anything you needed at all, what would it be that you’d ask for help?
    What is the most interesting thing you have come account in the last 2 weeks? It can be anything, the news, an item, something you never knew.
    Are you more of a morning person or a night owl??
    Are you the type of person who feels uncomfortable when a conversation about sex comes up, or are you one to jump in and join the conversation?
    A big thank you to all the readers out there! I can’t say it enough! Good luck to my nominees! I’m gonna do a celebration dance now.

    Stay safe, have tons of fun, share the love, oh and keep an eye on my page. K? 🙂 

    BYE- Dori Friend

  41. Oh my, you had me cracking up. That’s a dad talking, loving & concerned (but not sure how to handle it). Awesome!

  42. TMH

    Pivotal line: ““But how do you know it will be better?” he asked.”
    Gulp…

  43. Always enjoy your writing, and the way your mind-thoughts work.

  44. Reblogged this on SomeCallMeDiana and commented:
    I think we could all use some relationship advice. I found this in good humor, but also completely true. Find your perfect fit.

  45. You have a great sense of humor, that’s what it takes to be a good parent! Even funnier when he uses that “same” story with his kids one day! http://Www.brilliantviewpoint.com

  46. Brilliant! Had quite a chuckle reading that. Sounds like your son really appreciated it too!

  47. alwaysmythoughts

    that was oddly on point! still laughing though!

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